Pure Drivel

Then HAX may work for you!

Via Gaming Today via WeGame.com

So, I just finished playing through the Too Human demo, and I’ve got to say, I’m not entirely sure I want to redeem my pre-order of the game. Early reviews of the full title aren’t looking so good, and my personal experience with the demo mirrors the criticisms on 1UP.

Even in the demo there are long and overwrought cut-scenes, although they are interspersed during game play which makes them slightly less tedious. The combat is somewhat satisfying, but I could see getting bored with it after long stretches. Too Human’s control scheme is just different enough from about every other third-person action game I’ve played to be slightly frustrating. Using the Right Stick to swing my melee weapon around was horribly unresponsive. I was never quite in control of when and where it goes, and my natural propensity to use the right stick to control the camera was a hard habit to break. Once I got the hang of it, though, I could imagine doing some pretty slick stuff in battle.

The gear/loot system will be attractive for fans of the Diablo series. I was already checking my inventory every time I got a drop to see if it was more powerful than what I had equipped. The skill trees also offer some opportunity for customization, but you can pretty much guess what kinds of skills you’re going to get based on the class you choose.

All-in-all, I’m still on the fence on this one. I think I’ll wait for a few more reviews to roll in before making my final call; however, this could end up being like playing through Mass Effect, sans engrossing character development. I think part of the reason it looks attractive at this point is I’m hard up for fresh games to play, having resorted to finally playing through Unreal Tournament III.

The nice thing about going a while in between posts, there’s a lot to talk about when I do finally get around to it.

First off, there were a couple more disturbed individuals who blamed their criminal behavior directly on video games. A 18/19 year-old (stories differ on his age) man in Thailand stabbed a taxi driver to death either because he could not afford to purchase GTA IV or because he was copying behavior in the game (again, the stories vary), which has led to the banning of the title in that country. Spain and Malaysia are also considering a ban in light of the crime.

It’s already been said elsewhere. Blaming the media a mentally imbalanced person consumes for their actions is alarmist bullshit. Why isn’t anyone asking if this kid’s parents were abusive? Why aren’t they held accountable? The kid played a violent video game that millions of reasonable and well-adjusted men his age have played without incident. But because this killer called out the game by name, he’s suddenly less accountable? Le sigh.

Then two arsonists in Atlanta cited GTA IV as their source for how to make molotov cocktails. And obviously, they wouldn’t have been able to firebomb cars if they hadn’t played GTA IV. Again, where the hell are the parents of these little hooligans?

On to less infurating news.

The 20th anniversary of Madden NFL was released today. I don’t really care about this franchise, since they just rehash the same game every year. Go somewhere else if you want coverage of Madden ‘09. Anywhere else, really.

The episodic adventure games based in the Homestarrunner universe debut this week. I honestly lost interest in the eponymous website a while ago, but SBEmails used to be a staple of my Mondays. The humor just isn’t as fresh these days. I’d love to see an episodic adventure game based on Zero Punctuation. Essentially you’d just go around as Yahtzee, and the puzzles would revolve around deconstructing a game for being clichéd, implementing clumsy game-mechanics and calling JRPGs stupid.

I rented and played Soul Calibur IV and Ninja Gaiden II in the past couple of weeks. I wasn’t terribly impressed with either of them. Both games are good, in their own right, but just aren’t my thing. I feel like Soul Calibur IV would require way too much of my time in order to be brilliant with any one of the characters. Ninja Gaiden II is essentially the Devil May Cry series minus all the spikey-haired heros and melodrama, which are replaced with a lot more dismemberment and gore. And tits. See Yahtzee’s review below of Ninja Gaiden II. He says it better, faster and more British than I ever could:

The Olympics are in full swing, and you know what that means! Another horrendously bad multi-platform Olympics video game tie-in that you PRAY your grandmother won’t buy you because she doesn’t know any better. I have caught Olympics fever though. It’s nice to know that no matter what time it is, no matter how many infomercials and crappy soap operas are on daytime television, somewhere, there are world class atheletes competing. And I can watch them do it.

The big video game highlight of the past two weeks has been the release of Braid. This game was completely under my radar, but is now one of the top-ten rated video games on the X360 platform on Metacritic. Which is an especially big accomplishment considering it’s a puzzle platformer released through the Live Arcade. The big controversy surrounding its release has been the $15/1200 MS Points price point. Trust me, the game is worth every penny. I played the demo, and then immediately went to GameStop to buy a MS Points Card with my store credit. It’s beautiful, it’s unique in it’s game mechanics and story line. It’s this year’s Portal. Seriously, if you love video games, even if you don’t typically enjoy this genre, you must play Braid.

That’ll wrap it up for gaming news!

Movie news right quick: Go see Wall-E if you haven’t already. It is adorableness in its most pure form. The Dark Knight is worth seeing despite mostly ho-hum ham-fisted performances, because Heath Ledger’s Joker is one of the most powerful and disturbing performances I have ever seen.

On a personal note, I have taken a job in NJ and will be moving at the end of August. Wish me luck!

Seriously, State Legislatures, stop wasting my and other taxpayers’ money with futile lawsuits. The video game industry can self-regulate just like the music and movie industries. We have a ratings system. Those ratings are clearly marked on the box, and are no more or less vague than the movie ratings. There are even parental controls built into some of the latest generation consoles. What more do you want?

That was from a previous post I wrote back in November about the inanity of attempting to pass legislation regulating the sale of violent video games. Minnesota’s recent foray into this pointless pursuit was legislation that would have fined the underage purchasers of M or AO rated video games. Seriously? You want to fine a teenager a hundred bucks for attempting to buy Grand Theft Auto? That’s like an entire paycheck for most 16 year-olds, if they even have a job…

To illustrate my previous point, it looks like the taxpayers are getting stuck with check for the $65,000 dollars awarded to the games industry. Well done, Minnesota! Let’s write a guide to wasting taxpayer money!

1) Spend taxpayer dollars to cover court costs for unconstitutional legislation.

2) Spend taxpayer (and tuition) money to help construct a new football stadium for the worthless Minnesota Golden Gophers Football Team. The Golden Gophers finished DEAD LAST in 2007-2008 in the Big Ten, with an outstanding conference record of 0-8, and an overall record of 1-11. Their enitre recent history has been no less impressive. In  my opinion, the Metrodome is a perfectly good place to watch the Gophers lose. To boot, the new stadium is open air! So, not only do you get to watch the Gophers blow huge leads to nobody teams, you get to freeze your ass off while you do it!

3) Spend taxpayer money to help construct a brand new stadium for the Minnesota Twins. This despite fact that the Twins almost NEVER fill their current venu, the Metrodome.

/end rant

Tick. Tick. Tick.

First heard about this over on Ctrl+Alt+Del. I’m very excited.

In other news, Blizzard officially announced Diablo III yesterday, which is also pretty exciting. I played the original Diablo pretty much non-stop for 6 months. I never finished Diablo II, but I was impressed with it. The Diablo formula seems pretty tried and true, and there are other games that have done well with it. My question is, what is Blizzard going to do to update the formula to make it fresh again? Point-and-click hack ‘n’ slash alone isn’t going to cut if for me these days. We’ll see.

Ahhhh… summer. Action movies take over the theaters, the rare blockbuster game is released, and summertime television series are back on.

Apparently the comic book industry has figured out they can make a shitload more money making movies than they can selling comic books. I’ve seen both Iron Man and The Incredible Hulk this summer, and there’s still The Dark Knight and The Spirit to go this year. Personally, I don’t understand why everyone orgasmed over Iron Man. I mean, it was decent, and Robert Downey, Jr., was pretty fantastic in it. But, I liked The Incredible Hulk more, even though the acting was overall worse than in Iron Man. I think it’s because the action sequences are a lot more intense, and that’s what I was looking for in my super hero movie. Plus, all the tie-ins to other Marvel properties are pretty awesome.

Plus, Wanted looks like it may be another of the popcorn-munching action movies that I’ve had such a penchant for this summer. Bonus: Angelina Jolie, who I’ve always found very hit or miss, looks quite hittable in this movie.

This year was a strange one for television due to the writer’s strike. We got a lackluster season finale for Scrubs as it (hopefully) prepares to move to ABC. The Battlestar Galactica finale was intense, but with regard to the statement in the ad campaigns that “All Will Be Revealed,” the writers really punked out. In fact, they didn’t reveal anything. And gods know the when the next season or half-season will be begin. Psych starts back up July 18 at 10/9C, which is my favorite summer show. It’s highly entertaining, and I’ve loved Dulé Hill since The West Wing.

As the focus of this blog, it’s only proper I mention some recent high-profile video game releases. Metal Gear Solid 4: Guns of the Patriots has garnered high praise across the board. The major criticism seems to be the extraodinarily long cutscenes. I have one word for the complainers: Xenosaga. Alone in the Dark and The Bourne Conspiracy were both games that I was anticipating, but both have scored much lower than I’d anticipated. A series of new maps was also included for free in the most recent PC patch for Call of Duty 4: MW. This breathed some welcome new life into the title. Xbox 360 gamers had access to these maps a while ago, but they had to pay extra for them. Chinatown is easily my favorite map of the bunch - moving in and out of all those buildings at high speed is a real rush, and due to the closed nature of the map, grenade and n00b tube spamming is kept to a minimum. Penny Arcade Adventures: On the Rain-Slick Precepice of Darkness was also recently released. All-in-all its a solid game, complete with all the humor you’d expect from Tycho and Gabe, and a great summer distraction. Another title that was pretty much under the radar for me has been getting solid reviews. Battlefield: Bad Company has landed some solid reviews, and I’m considering picking it up. I do wish it was coming out for PC, though.

I also recently wiped my iPhone clean of all music and resolved to put newer and less-frequently-listened-to music on in lieu of all the stuff I’ve been listening to since high school. Forever the Sickest Kids have won a place in my heart. If you’re into extremely catchy techno/emo hybrid, or techmo, as I will henceforth call it, they will win a place in yours as well. Also, I recently discovered a band called Elbow who apparently have been around since 1990. To me they’re a mix of Peter Gabriel and Radiohead. If you’re looking for something a little off the beaten path, be sure to check those guys out. I’ve also been giving Chevelle’s latest album Vena Sera a fair shake, and I’ve got to say I’m enjoying it, despite a chilly critical reception. It’s not brilliant, but it’s entertaining.

Finally, I’m just about finished reading through all of the Hitchiker’s Guide books for the second time in my life. I’ve got to tell you; they’re a lot funnier now than they were when I was 14.

Alright, those are the things I’m checking out entertainment-wise right now. What’re you guys into this summer?

Gamers and first-amendment activists everywhere should chalk this one up as a victory.

According to GamesIndustry.biz (and others), the Florida Bar has recommended that Jack Thompson, noted video game attack-dog be disbarred for 10 years for less than ethical practices during law suits against video game production/development companies and retailers.

Unfortunately, it seems that we aren’t through with this vendetta-obsessed distorter of the truth (read: LIAR). According to Game Politics, JT circulated an email which he claimed persons involved in the case acted illegally.

Under the subject line of SWEET! (GP: I kid you not), an e-mail circulated by Thompson this morning cites today’s Daily Business Review coverage of his case and reads, in part:

Because of the [DBR] article, which contains my entire Objections filing, I am now getting phone calls from highly respected people who are proving to me the criminal conduct of The Florida Bar… We are meeting with law enforcement officials about that. 
 
This is all wonderful.  Light is now being shone in some very dark places, and the Daily Business Review has assisted in that wonderfully.
 
I am now going to win this fight, by the grace of God and because of the First Amendment, most particularly the right to freedom of the press.  Certain Florida Bar officials need to hire criminal defense lawyers today.  The investigations are already underway.  And if you think I’m kidding, then you don’t know Jack.

Le sigh. This guy doesn’t know when to quit. Of course, if news outlets would stop legitimizing him by bringing him on to talk his nonsense, maybe we could get somewhere.

I would feel sorry for Jack if he weren’t so damn arrogant. The man is now going after the judge who ruled in his case and after Florida Supreme Court Justices on an alleged technicality with regard their state loyalty oaths. If that’s not a way to permanently destroy your legal career, I don’t know what is.

Even if he does somehow manage to have the trial judge removed, wouldn’t that just result in a mistrial? If so, don’t you think any future judge would be even more likely to find the man guilty?

He’s already recognized as a charlatan in the gaming community, and soon the rest of the world will see firsthand what we’ve been saying all along. Well, they would if the major news outlets would pick up the story. A search for Jack Thompson on CNN.com yielded no results on this story. FoxNews has also neglected to pick up Jack’s story, which is strange considering they’ve had him on the network a few times. Law.com was the only non-gaming outlet to pick up the story in a Google News search for Jack Thompson.

On a mostly unrelated note: Huzzah!

Two new system exclusives are set for release this week. These games are pretty much polar opposites, and they make for an interesting foil.

On the one hand we have Haze. Developed for the PS3 and published by Ubisoft, the game was in the news yesterday when it developer Free Radical confirmed it wouldn’t be running in true HD. Haze takes place in a dystopian society in the near-future (hrm, sounds familiar) where a soldier’s work is white-washed by the performance-enhancing substance pumped into his body through a specialized combat suit.

The game was essentially supposed to be an answer to a couple of huge Microsoft-platform-exclusive FPSes. Early review scores for the game indicate that it will fall far short of matching the achievements of Gears of War and BioShock though, as it currently has a rather average Metacritic score of 54. I haven’t played the game, and probably never will. But the general consensus seems to be that while other shooters like Call of Duty 4: Modern Warfare and BioSock are taking steps to reinvent the wheel, so to speak, Haze is an exceptionally medicore shooter.

The Onion’s A.V. Club probably has the most cohesive conclusion about the game based on the reviews I read:

More narratively cohesive than the Halo trilogy, but less inventive and compelling than Resistance: Fall Of Man, Haze does finally give us a self-aware portrait of videogame soldiers, and a foil for all the head-butting, “boo-yah” behavior that’s been the norm for far too long in the medium. Too bad it’s paired with one of the more pedestrian FPS games to come along in recent years.

Clear on the other end of the spectrum we have Wii Fit, which brings exercise and playing video games together in some sort of unholy union. Thing is, critics are pretty impressed with it. And these are people who (sometimes) make a living of sitting motionless while consuming their media of choice.

Now, you should know by now I’m biased against the Wii for ushering in an unprecedented age of shovelware and minigame compilations. The platform itself just isn’t for me, which is fine because it’s not targeted toward me. However, I can still appreciate what it is that Nintendo is trying to do. They are making leaps toward changing the way that we interact with our videogames. I respect that. But based on the reviews I’ve seen, the Wii Fit software is not really a video game at all. It is an exercise regimen. If you’re looking for a fun with the Wii Balance Board, which seems to be the real star of the package, you may want to wait for more games that are designed for it. In addition, you may want to hope that the forthcoming games don’t suck.

So, I’ve gone on and on about why the Wii is actually really lame and not worth the investment for anyone who’s taste in games extends beyond mini-game compilations.

It’s been a while since I checked up on the Wii’s top rated games over at Gamespot, which I originally referenced in a previous post. But, it’s been a while. So, I thought I’d pop back over and see if the Wii has redeemed itself, at least in terms of software library.

Short Answer: No.

Long answer: Seven of the 10 highest-rated games are still first party titles. It only futher proves my point that the only company that’s not making mediocre titles, if not downright shovelware, for the system is Nintendo. This has been a problem with every Nintendo system post-SNES. I suppose top-notch third-party support doesn’t matter to the average Wii player. However, it matters to the core gamers (or, it should).

Moreover, three of those seven titles aren’t even Nintendo Wii games in the true sense - they’re games from other Nintendo systems made available via the Virtual Console: Paper Mario (N64), Super Mario Bros. 3 (NES) and The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time (N64). It’s pretty sad when you have to rely on titles that are a decade old to fill the top 10. Expand the number out to the 50 top-rated Wii games on the site, and half of the games are Virtual Console titles previously released on other systems.

Speaking of ports, I find it noteable that of the three top 10 third-party titles on the Wii, two were previously released on other systems. Okami (PS2) and Resident Evil 4 (GameCube) were highly rated on their original systems, but were ported to the Wii to take advantage of the motion controls. The only exclusive, non-Nintendo game in the Top Ten is No More Heroes the admittedly innovative action game from developer Grasshopper.

My point here is that the shabby software library available to Wii users doesn’t justify the unholy number of units Nintendo has sold. People DO love a gimmick, I suppose…

I never thought I’d say this… but a Gamestop employee really impressed me this weekend.

I know, I know. I constantly rag on the retail game shop for their unethical practices regarding trade-ins and the resale of used games. And they’ve still got millions of gallons of virtual blood on their hands for those things, as far as I’m concerned. But I actually witnessed a valorous act on the part of a Gamestop employee, and I was so moved by it, I feel compelled to share it with all of you.

I stopped into the Gamestop location on the 3rd floor of the Mall of America on Saturday to pick up Grand Theft Auto IV. My buddy Nick recently purchased the game for PS3, and I’ve been getting burned out on CoD4 lately. Besides, even if the review scores are inflated, I haven’t played a game in the franchise since GTA III, so I was curious to see what if it lived up to the hype at all. More on that later…

Anywho, I was browsing around in the store, still debating in my head whether I really wanted to buy the game, when I overheard a conversation taking place at the register. A father had come into the store with his four kids, ranged maybe 6 to 16, and he was going to purchase GTAIV, presumably for his older boys. Not so uncommon. In fact, it supports the statistics that most parents are with their kids when they buy video games.

What was incredible to me, though, was that the guy manning the register actually told the customer about all of the violent, sexual and drug-related gameplay elements. He even talked about soliciting “ladies of the night” as tactfully as he could, considering all of the small children walking around. He explained that some of the adult content was optional, but that all-in-all, the game was made for adults, hence the rating. The guy essentially spent a good 7-8 minutes explaining all the reasons the dad shouldn’t buy this game for his kids. He was willing to sacrifice the sale so that the parent could make an informed decision.

I was really proud to be a gamer at that moment.

The father ended up buying the game anyway. I really wanted to shake him and tell him that the opening scenes of the game involve a dominatrix whipping the shit out of a Russian guy standing around in his underwear. THE. GAME. IS. FOR. ADULTS. DUMMY. That’s why it’s rated “M - For Mature.” And even if your 16 year-old is mature enough to handle it, chances are it’s not appropriate for his younger siblings, who will inevitably see it.

I didn’t. Maybe I should have, but I didn’t feel it was my place. In the end, they’re his children. As their parent it is his right and responsibility to decide what media they are or are not allowed to consume. That’s how it’s supposed to work. And the parent already made the decision to buy the game in spite of the detailed description the Gamestop guy gave him. Even as he was handing the game over the counter though, the clerk was encouraging the parent to go online, read some reviews and watch some gameplay videos. Then he could decide whether to give it to the kids, or bring it back unopened for a full refund.

After the dad walked out of the store I approached the counter with my copy of GTAIV. He jokingly started to launch into the same speech about the adult content. I made a point to tell him how much I appreciated what he’d just done. He then proceeded to annoy me with a story regarding his nephew and the same game, which I wasn’t able to follow due to his incoherent storytelling and the fact he was spitting all over the place.

You win some, you lose some, I guess.

Overall though, the experience was a win for me and for gamers everywhere. I wish Jack Thompson had been present, just so I could rub it in his face. The dad was given every opportunity not to purchase a game for his children very obviously made for adults. Rockstar and the ESRB put the rating on the box, along with some details of what garnered the game that rating. He could have just read it. Then the clerk reads it for him and gives him a detailed description of what to expect. By the way, it was clear the dad hadn’t read the box at all before he stepped up to the register by his reaction when the clerk first started explaining the content to him. Then, he bought the thing anyway, even though he obviously has reservations about it.

What else do you expect from the industry’s end? Seriously?

On a related note, my first impressions of the game are as follows:

GTAIV kicks all kinds of ass. Yes, it is just another GTA game. But I haven’t played one seriously since GTAIII. It has done an amazing job of drawing me in, i.e., hours pass and I don’t notice. The environments are great, the dialogue makes me smile or laugh out loud on a regular basis, and the combat and driving are pretty well executed. Rockstar aimed to create a living breathing city, and I think they’ve succeeded. Plus, the character development is pretty outstanding. I immediately felt a connection with the main character Niko. This was the first time I’d dropped into a GTA game and not felt immediately compelled to hijack someone, kill them with their own vehicle and immediately troll for a hooker. I think it’s because I don’t think that’s what Niko would really want. I think he really does want a fresh start for himself.

Maybe it’s also a sign that I’m 5 years older than I was the last time I played a GTA game. Though, I doubt it, considering the havoc I would wreak playing Crackdown. Anyway, I’m really excited about playing the game more over the coming months. It especially helps mitigate the symptoms of “no-new-games-worth-playing syndrome” I think we’ve all been feeling since the beginning of the year. More on the game as I experience it.

PS: My favorite quote from the game so far was a yokel saying something to the effect of ”How my supposed to feed my kids, buy Pay Per View wrestling, and get a sandwich when weed costs so damn much!?” Again, not for kids.